The cold from the icepack seeps into my eyelids, and chills my eyeballs until they feel frozen. I can hardly see what I’m typing because my vision is blurry from the burning cold in my eyes. I tried to recall what warmth feels like when it makes its way into my chest, burrowing right in the centre of my heart. You don’t really want me, I know that. Soon, you’ll see what they saw - mangled mess. They told me I was fragile; very hard but very brittle. They told me I can’t make up my mind. They told me I let fear dictate me. They told me I don’t want them because they weren’t enough. I like to think that it’s because they never wanted me in the first place. Just like how you will realize quickly, you never really wanted any part of me. Temporary insanity. You’re temporary insane now. Please realize it now. You don’t want me.
Turn up the water and the heat
As I tilt my head up to face the spray
I stop feeling the burning of my eyes
Straight down my cheeks
But it can’t hide the taste of it
Salty, and guilty, and full of unrelenting emotions
Washed up beaten and broken
I’m going now.
Heartbreak is the most inspiring muse
Anyone can ask for;
Brings out the best in all of us.
As I let the hot water glide down my skin
Burn me, I said,
Burn away everything.
I dare not look at my reflection for too long
For it shows me the truth
I’m afraid of contact
For it shows what I’ve become.
Curse it all.
Sometimes I wake up and all I want
Is to be just another pretty face
With an empty soul.
Other times I wake up
And all I feel I am
Is an empty shell.